wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
love makes seman taste better
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
