I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
