I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
