I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
