I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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