They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
