were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
