I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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