Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
