You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
