3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I smell like Dick and happiness
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
