So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
