it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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