I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize