you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
