Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
