In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
