Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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