what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
