saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
