I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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