Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am available for nakedness
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
