she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
