The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
