the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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