I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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