I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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