your room smells of hookers.
And success
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize