Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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