some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
