Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
