you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
