just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
