If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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