It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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