addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
