Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
