I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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