He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
