guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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