i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
