I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize