He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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