we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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