Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
