How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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