This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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