Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
