You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
