have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Life is so much better after having sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
