I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
