just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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