I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there's paper in my vomit.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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