I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
