dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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