went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
