I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
