The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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