NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
