He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
