Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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