This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
