Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize