Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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