you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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